Anyway, way back when she was in the middle of her project we had a little interaction with her about the concept of gender role prescriptions in the Bible. We did a little riff on it ourselves talking about Biblical Masculinity, and how that is… also pretty problematic. When her book came out I read it eagerly, you might even say voraciously, and I wanted to say something on the internet about it, but I figured a few other people had already reviewed it (a few) and said most of the things I would say. Others had reviewed it, or dared to comment on it without reading it, and said things I would never say.
So I thought, what could I say that no one else would ever say? And that is how this rap was born. Please watch it. Don’t tell me how embarrassed you are for me watching me try to keep a beat and look even half-cool. I had my embarrass-gland surgically removed a while back. It’s sensitive.
Here are the lyrics if you’re interested:
There’s not one kind of woman.
There’s not one way to be.
Remember you are loved
And created to be free.
No one is your master,
There’s nobody to bow toward,
Forever under Heaven,
There is only always One Lord.
Sometimes I’m embarrassed, to call myself a pastor.
The way we Christians treat women is an ethical disaster.
We like them kneeling with their heads covered and silent
And if they dare to disobey we’re not above a little violence.
Do you remember, the victims in the texts of terror?
Those aren’t exceptions they’re a fucking systematic error.
Go ahead, dress it up, call it complementary,
But I ain’t buying that it’s just the same misogyny.
You proclaim Christ, remember he was crucified?
Yet you replicate the system of oppression under which he died.
Neither man nor woman now that we’re in Christ, believe it.
This ain’t Leave it to Beaver so cut the Wally Cleaver shit.
It’s all about sex, and it’s time you just admit it.
You teach about submission ‘cause that’s how you like to hit it.
Behind every sermon about purity and chastity
Is just a grown man with a Catholic school-girl fantasy.
It’s ironic, to be so obsessed yet so repressed,
Keep them covered head to toe, imagine them undressed.
Blame them if their crotch isn’t a fortress unassailable
Then tell them once they’re married they had better be available.
To hell with that! Egalitarian sex is where its at.
I’m no slave to my libido and my partner’s not a doormat.
Communication & consent can make a sex-life great.
But you’re afraid of talking straight, hello vaginagate.
Rachel Held Evans, is a tornado in your house of cards,
Knocking it down with hermeneutical performance art.
Scream and shout she reads the Bible too selectively
Cause when you do it just exposes your hypocrisy.
It was you who took a poem cheering feminine virtue
Turned it into another checklist for our girls to be compared to.
Got them wondering if they’ll ever be deemed worth your while,
When they should have heard you shouting loudly, Eschet Chayil!
They don’t need your approval and they don’t need mine.
When it comes to showing valor, well, they’re doing fine.
But it’s time that you renounced your patriarchal reign.
Like Sisera it’s done, tent spike through its brain.